“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” -Rumi

Tags

change, dark, dialectics, Ghandi, light, Living, the bus, thesamedifferent

It’s the hardest of simple things, and the

heaviest of lite loads,

that all i have to do,

and all i can do,

is put one foot in front of the other,

with my eyes truly open,

and notice the gentle ways in which

i can shake the world,

walking out of my wounded Darkness

and into my own

Light.

“It is important for the poet not to be emotional because you cannot see the world clearly with tears in your eyes.” –Billy Collins

Tags

dialectics, emotions, poetry, vulnerability, wants, words

And what if

what the world needs-

and the world is too grand so

i’ll begin-again-with me-

what if

what i need-

and i don’t need

having Water

a Roof

Air in my lungs-

what if

what i want-

for i do want, though i have to practice

the saying of it-

what if, what i want

is a poet who allows us, allows

-me-

to witness the salted rains of stormy emotions

as each teardrop falls onto the keyboard,

releasing their Heart

releasing their Brain

lightening-Lighting-

my own

-because what if, what

I Want

is proof that i can be more Powerful,

See as clearly,

when i face The World

with tears in My eyes?

And so i’m left with

the gift of

what is

instead of what if.

And what is,

is that the only proof i might ever have

is the Words i type

and the tears i allow to fall as my

keyboard clacks and

I Write On…

“It was a lone voice in the middle of the ocean, but it was heard at great depth and great distance.” -Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Tags

dialectics, ocean, voice, vulnerability, words

Like tide-salted Ebb and Flow, each Word I write drags me further away and pulls me closer to the Truth I actually hope to Say.

“I am thesamedifferent” -me

Tags

dialectics, Living, panicjoy, skillz, thesamedifferent, voice, vulnerability, words

I’ve written about thesamedifferent all my life, dancing around the concept by using Words like Change and Stagnation and Light and Dark.  A superhero and cherished friend of mine calls it “showing up differently” and “rising up” and using one’s authentic Voice.  Another superherofriend calls it using skills and Living Your Truth, based on an amazing book we both read.  Yet another superhero I’ve been lucky enough to know calls it “living my Sarahness.”

Today, in this moment, thesamedifferent means I am living in my Sarahness.  I’m also starting to recognize the smallest of ways I’ve been the true Sarah all along, shine the light a little through that darkness.  That’s where the different comes in.  I’m the same as I’ve always been, and entirely different all at once-thesamedifferent.

It’s thesamedifferent that I’m using my own Word to explain my current internal experience, not the words of anyone else.  It’s thesamedifferent that I’m using my own wild, trembling Voice to share this Word.  It’s thesamedifferent that last night, the night before my final Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skills group, I chose not to use skills, and instead used old behaviors to cope with overwhelm and panicjoy.  It’s thesamedifferent because, instead of wallowing in the shame of my choice, I’m holding my choice up to the light, and telling myself it makes sense, that it’s okay, and that I can make the choice to never do it again.  And it’s thesamedifferent that now I’m able to speak those dialectics to myself.

Yet another superherofriend of mine was fabulous at shining the light on my natural ability to understand dialectics at a time when I wasn’t able to.  He gave me many gifts, in the form of True Words, as have all the superherofriends I’ve mentioned.  What unites those superherofriends, in my mind, in this moment, is that they live thesamedifferently in their various ways every. single. day.  They use the very skills they teach, though not all of them would call them skills or DBT, and they show up as their authentic selves even when it fills them with panicjoy.  It’s thesamedifferent that I can thank them, and the various providers and group members I’ve been lucky enough to share a little of this journey with, without giving up any of my Sarahness.  Because, in this moment, I am thesamedifferent.